NOBLESSE OBLIGE

The essence of Chivalry can be summed up in two words: noblesse oblige.

Noblesse oblige is the idea that those who enjoy a privileged status ought to serve those who have need. Part duty, part gratitude, noblesse oblige is the moral of the Parable of the Talents: “Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required.”

How is it, then, that this sentiment is so frequently taken amiss? As an affront to the dignity of the receiving party?

No doubt on occasion it is a question of tact. Just because you come bearing gifts does not give you license to act like a “bull in a china shop.” Without sensitivity and common courtesy, even gift-giving can be twisted into rudeness — especially if the giver is self-invited.

But there are those for whom no amount of decorum or social grace will suffice, for whom the notion of noblesse oblige in itself is intolerable:

“Who are you to patronize me? To suggest that you could possibly know something of which I am ignorant, or possess something for which I have a need?”

What silliness. Need is an inescapable reality of the human condition, and we are all lacking in different ways. How is it arrogance to recognize that you have received a particular blessing, and to observe that your neighbor might benefit from the sharing of it?

The man who does not share his blessings is like the Rich Man who neglected Lazarus, and who later — from hell — ended up begging Lazarus for water.

There is actually a fairly simple explanation for the peculiar brand of irrationality that can admit no need: a fragile ego. Usually rendered so by a wound, or wounds. And as such, incapable of regarding generosity or largesse as anything other than lording or boasting.

Gratitude is the opposite of pride, for it is the tacit admission of a need — a need that has been met by someone else. It is not noblesse oblige that is prideful, but rather the refusal to accept a cup of water when you are dying of thirst.